20 Lessons I've Learned at 20

Introduction: 20 Lessons I've Learned at 20
Lesson One: Take advantage of the time you are responsible for no one but yourself
Lesson Two: No amount of inspirational quotes will comfort you quite like your mother can
Lesson Three: Counting calories doesn't help you count your blessings
Lesson Four: If you have a funny feeling, chances are you've found a phony
Lesson Five: Sob uncontrollably if you have to. Just make sure you have peanut butter...
Lesson Six: Never overuse "I'm sorry"
Lesson Seven: Never stop doing what removes you from the chaos
Lesson Eight: Life will place you exactly where you need to be
Lesson Nine: Look up
Lesson Ten: You have the pen that writes your life story
Lesson Eleven: Laugh at yourself
Lesson Twelve: Believe in that four letter word
Lesson Thirteen: You can learn the deepest knowledge from the youngest brains
Lesson Fourteen: If someone doesn't contribute to your life, pack your good memories and move the hell on
Lesson Fifteen: Don't make stress, make a plan
Lesson Sixteen: You're never in a boat alone
Lesson Seventeen: Take pride in your hometown
Lesson Eighteen: Make your own rules & follow them
Lesson Nineteen: Write a letter to yourself
Lesson Twenty: My purpose
The Purpose Behind The Series

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Twenty

20. My purpose.

 

 

It’s hard to fathom the idea that by simply being, we are serving a purpose. We may think we aimlessly go through the motions of our day with no bruises or surprises, highs or lows. But the fact you are you and no one else—existing, breathing, learning and living—you, love, are serving a purpose.

 

But we yearn for a bigger purpose in life. Rightfully, so, I might add. And some people search the entirety of their lives to fall short of finding the reason they were put on this earth.

 

However I know my purpose in life. And in the 20 amazing years I have been blessed to live—it is the most breathtaking, startling, profound lesson I have learned.

 

I, simply put, was placed here to reveal the love life brings us.

 

It sounds winding, overly simplistic, and who knows, maybe a bit arrogant.

 

But I know I am needed because of my heart, the courage I have to use it, and the talent I have to deliver it in words. Through my talent of writing, I am able to show others how much love life delivers to us every day, year, and lifetime. I am here to help others see love and find the importance in purpose.

 

So now it is time for me to reveal the love of others. I asked for family and friends to reveal the lessons they have learned in life. And this is what I learned:

 

"Never allow yourself to depend on another person." -Lauren

"The importance of family to get through the hard times. When something goes wrong they are just a phone call or hug away." -Megan

"There's no excuse for being a pessimist. This world is beautiful and the fact that we wake up every day should be enough to put a smile on your face.

The amount of stress you let in to your life is your decision. Deal with things the best you can then let them go. Think back to what you used to stress out about in high school and how insignificant those things seem now, that's how we'll view these situations when we're old and dying!

Whether it be work, school, or play keep a smile on your face and joy in your heart. That's how life was intended to be lived and any other emotion, although sometimes necessary, can take away from the potential of your day." -Micah

"Family is just that….family. Whether it is your natural born or extended. After marriage you should never learn to just “tolerate” your extended family. You need to open your heart and accept them as your own. You learn that they are there for you and support you just as much as your own. They become your own." -Craig

"I've learned, as cliche as it may sound, laughter is very often, if not always, the best medicine!" - Louis

Oh so many things...if you do or say something that makes another person smile, you have given them a gift." -Gail

“'You don’t like the person you’ve become? Then do something about it because no one’s going to do it or you.' This quote has taught me so much about my life." -Zach

"Quality over quantity in everything in life. Few friends who are true friends over tons of fake ones. Fewer possessions with meaning over many without need. I try to apply that rule anywhere I can and I think most of the time it makes people happier in life." -Bridget

We never know the minutes we have left on our time clock. The earlier we learn the reason we are here, the earlier we can discover the meaning of our lives and find comfort in the pits and peaks of our existence.

Lessons are permanent marks on our minds and hearts. They remind us of where we have been, where we are now, and where we will go in the future. They are a part of us- guiding, lighting, and calming.

It is and always will be...


it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Fourteen

14.      If someone doesn’t contribute to your life, pack your good memories and move the hell on.

 

 

As a child, I wasn’t the easiest to get along with. I was bossy, challenging, and overly inquisitive. I thought it was my personal duty to make sure that everyone knew their place in my life. For some, this was the beginning of longtime friendships. But for others, it may have meant a swift kick to the balls. No, seriously. I once did just that to a boy on the playground…

 

Sound harsh? It was. This attitude set me up for some hard-hitting lessons growing up. Though, the small trace of this attitude has served me right in some ways as well.

 

At what point do we lose sight of this mindset? If you have a gut feeling about someone, or they do you wrong, don’t look in the rearview mirror as you remove them from your life. Remember the good memories—there was a reason why they were in your life at one point. They served a purpose in your life for a few weeks or maybe a few decades. But be thoughtful of the bad memories. It is easy to miss someone for the wonderful time you spent with him or her. But it takes strength and confidence in your intuition and wisdom earned to remember how they did you wrong.

 

The goals you have in mind and the happiness you seek in life are far more important than letting a black hole in your life take it from you. It may hurt more than you think you can physically handle. But when you aren’t losing energy to someone unworthy of your relentless thoughts, you’ll be surprised at how beautiful life can be.

 

Cut the ties that bind you to the weight on your back. Knee the person where it counts if you need to. (Maybe more figuratively speaking…) You are more beautiful when you are surrounded by people who shed light on your beauty rather than those who cast shadows on it.

 

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Thirteen

13.      You can learn the deepest knowledge from the youngest brains.

I’ll never forget it.

 

I had just found out that my sister, brother-in-law and two little angels would be moving two states away.

 

It was as if I could feel my heart hesitate in rhythm and slow to a dull ache. Those little girls were my escape and their parents my backrest. They took the dreariness and pressure away from my life. And here they were being taken away from me.

 

Then a few weeks later I was lying in bed next to my little niece and mini-me. Her name is Faith and she gives me what her name suggests. There I was, lying next to her, tears streaming down my face and disappearing into my pillow. I thought she was asleep until she opened her big hazel eyes and stared right through my teary ones. I’ll never forget this three-year-old little girl holding me as she wiped my tears and told me we would always be together.

 

I probably only slept a few hours that night. Half because she is quite violent in her sleep and half because my heart and head couldn’t fathom a world without them close.

 

But that little girl taught me a huge lesson. Sometimes we let the lemons life hands us spoil instead of strategizing ways to make them sweeter. I think it is a result of letting life taint us bit-by-bit. Because our youth haven’t experienced let downs in any form more intense than the refusal to eat ice cream for dinner, they don’t let setbacks slam the brakes on their lives.

 

Ask the little ones in your life some deep questions. I guarantee you’ll find every answer you’ve never searched for and some comfort, too. They read through your tough exterior walls you have built to “protect them.” See, they haven’t had a reason to build them unless they’re made of Legos and chicken nuggets.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Eleven

11.     Laugh at yourself.

 

Most of my lessons have been years in the making. I have lived through multiple episodes of the same plot resulting in the same lesson. (I’m hard headed). But this lesson came as an epiphany. Let me set the scene for you.

 

I have been planning the largest canned food drive at my beloved Ohio University. The logistics of this event are similar to fixing the haircut we all tried to give ourselves when we were three. You can keep trimming away the details, but there will always be those inevitable loose ends. I won’t bore you with more, but let’s just say on this particular day, I had lifted well over 1,300 canned foods, spilled horrid mushroom soup down my front, and accidentally punched a cabinet. I felt like the bird in that Windex commercial that is tricked into thinking the glass door is actually an open window.

 

So after slamming into my day and sliding down the window in slow motion, I hit the ground. I walked into my apartment, took my pants off, and made hot dogs. I turned on Law & Order SVU and dug into my mustard covered feast. It was two hot dogs in that I put down my fork and just started giggling at myself. My giggles turned to belly laughs and my belly laughs turned into full-on, teary-eyed cackling. At this point, the tears were rolling down my cheeks and it was literally becoming difficult to take a deep breath…

 

I mean, come on! Here I am sitting in my living room with no pants on eating bun-less hot dogs watching Detective Benson do her thing. I had a hundred things I should have been doing. But I wasn’t worried about them. My biggest concern was my roommate walking in and checking me into a mental institution.

 

We’ve all had these moments. You may have had pants on in yours. You may have been 20 feet below sea level. Or have just realized your fly was unzipped for the entirety of your day. But either way, enjoy that moment of just doing as you feel and having the ability to realize sometimes you’re an absolute oddball. After all, if all of us are oddballs, then really none of us are odd at all...  

 

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Ten

10.      You have the pen that writes your life story.

 

 

If you were offered to leave the country for a month, would you go?

If the plane was going up and you could skydive out of it, would you jump?

If your friend asked you to dance on the table, would you get up?

 

 

 

If you answered yes to all three, congratulations! You have the eye of the tiger as my girl Katy would say. But chances are you probably didn’t. Or you mindlessly read them wondering where I was going with them… But, regardless, I’m not going to preach that you should take every opportunity that presents itself. Sometimes just because you have the ability to take your pants off or tattoo your mother’s name across your chest doesn’t mean you should. But if you do, that’s cool too. The point is that you shouldn’t feel as if you must follow the story society writes for you.

 

I sometimes think when I find the “end-all, be-all” love, it is going to be like a romantic comedy. You know the ones. Girl meets boy. Girl loves Boy. Boy loves girl but messes up. Girl struggles with a decision. Girl decides she still loves Boy. Girl and Boy kiss. The End. But life isn’t a rom com and I’m not Jennifer Aniston. Instead of waiting for life to write my story, I must realize that the paper is in front of me and the pen is in no one else’s hand but my own. If the person makes your heart happy and your wheels turning, let it happen. It's your story.

 

 

Write your story. Cross things out. Make things bold. Write softly, write with meaning. Hell, doodle outside the lines. Just make sure when you turn the last page, you're happy with the memories within the bindings and your name is staring back at you as the author.

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

 

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Seven

7.   Never stop doing what removes you from the chaos

I’ll never forget that minty blue-green leotard and the magic it encapsulated. It was about the same size as would fit a Chihuahua. I visited my grandmother who now dances from above, and the day was what every three-year-old little girl has ever dreamed of. (Minus Cinderella making me the long lost Disney princess and living in a castle with my invisible friend Amy.)

I began dancing that day back 17 years ago, and it began my love of movement and the power it gave me to express myself. I truly believe this passion of mine paved the way to a creative talent I share with you today—writing.

The way a poetic melody paired with a compelling lyric made my toes flutter and my heart pound was intoxicating. It was as if the music moved through me. My brain didn’t need to equate or calculate. It was a beautiful escape.

After 15 years of some interesting dance concepts on my part—I recreated the infamous Tom Cruise in Risky Business scene as a solo performance and wore a costume that made me look like a glittery pickle—I packed up everything I had ever known and moved to college. And with my reliance on my parents, my dancing fell to homework and college boys.

I have learned to incorporate dance and creativity into my schedule. And when I fail to do just this, my mood tends to show it. Because as time will tell you, the movement that removes you from the chaos is sometimes difficult to keep up with. But remember that little leotard and the look on your loved ones face when they saw a future for you before you created your own. There’s a reason you were given that talent. It is your ticket to sanity and a world your three-year-old self could have only dreamed of…

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Four

4.      If you have a funny feeling, chances are you’ve found a phony.

 

 

My family and friends have often told me I should write a book discussing all of the phonies I’ve found. I rarely consider myself an expert on a topic, but I can say with a high level of confidence that I am an expert on this subject. I even have the title picked out—“You’re A Great Girl, But…” Let’s just say my life is like the movie 50 First Dates… but I actually remember every.

                                                                                                                                single.
                                                                                                                                               one of them.

 

The lesson I’ve learned from all of these enlightening experiences is that in each of them, I had a gut feeling at one point or another that something was off. Something wasn’t off with the way they chewed their gum (my sister actually broke up with a guy for this exact reason) or because they walked funny. (Guilty). Something was off in the way they left me feeling. It was like I ate something that seemed nice, but it took convincing myself that after a whole bowl of it that I would love it. But instead of loving it, it really just left a bad taste in my mouth that I tried to ignore.

 

If someone leaves a bad taste in your mouth, don’t keep digging in until the source of the taste is uncovered. Don’t be that guy that swishes it around in his mouth obnoxiously. Be that girl or that guy that walks the other direction the moment it occurs to you that your futures don’t align. Or that your heart doesn’t beat in sync with the other. Or that you will never end up serving the purpose you are meant to serve with that person beside you.

 

Trust me, being alone will never feel as lonely as being beside someone who makes you feel as if you are.

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

 

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Two

2.      No amount of inspirational quotes will comfort you quite like your mother can.

 

We see them every day. Pinterest has made a business out of it. Teenage girls have become Instafamous on Instagram with them. They haunt us with their clever plays on words and millisecond of satisfaction.

 

I’m talking inspirational quotes, people. The words that weave together dried tears and a pat on the back in a poetic melody. The melody wraps around our heart convincing us to make it our background on our phone. (Just me?) We pretend to live our lives by these quotes like “live in the sunshine” or “the best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”

To be frank, you can’t live in the sunshine where there are clouds. Now, I know you can create your own figurative sunshine and learn to “dance like no one’s watching” beneath that figurative sunshine, but will it really last? Will these momentary flashes of inspiration help us uncover the bed sheets in the morning and face our chaotic lives?

 

If there is one lesson I have been so fortunate to learn, it is that not one of these quotes—no matter how applicable they may be to our current situation— will ever make us feel quite like our mother can.

 

If you’re one of my soul sisters or brothers and have one of those generic quotes with whimsical letters on an image straight off Pinterest haven, delete it. Replace it with a photo of your mother. Or your sister. Or your dog, Chunks. Whoever that person or animal is that makes you feel like you’re not alone—and you’re right where you need to be—make him or her your background. Look at them and feel the love they speak to you each time you struggle to put one foot in front of the other. They are the melody in the movie of your life. They are the best thing to hold onto in life. No need for sunshine. They will always be the light that guides you home.

Love you “oodles & doodles,” Mom.

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

 

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson One

1. Take advantage of the time you are responsible for no one but yourself.

There are few times in our lives that we have few obligations. For some of you, this time may have seemingly passed. And for others, you may be experiencing it now. But even if this lesson applies to the thirty minutes you have during naptime, read carefully.

Sometimes we take for granted the fact that we don’t have to hold someone’s hand as they choose which tie looks best for work, or whether that lipstick is too daring for daytime. (Ladies, it never is.) For some of us, we don’t have to wake up because someone has the sniffles or sees a monster beneath their bed.

 

These years we live with little obligations and responsibilities are spent wishing that we had someone next to us or complaining that a midterm is approaching. But we must learn to cherish the only agenda we have in our lives right now—our own. Our time will come when we must coordinate and calibrate his and hers or his and his or hers and hers schedules. Our time will come when we can’t sip on wine and watch The Notebook on a Tuesday because we feel like it. Our time will come when we can’t wake up at 6am on Homecoming Saturday and decide not only is it appropriate to have beer with our eggs, it is expected. Our time will come when our grandparents and parents aren’t the ones there to hold our hands through this crazy maze we call life. Our time will come when our worries turn from taking tests to praying for hope.

 

Hold on to the time you have when your only responsibility is finding yourself and creating who you envision when you think of you. Make an imprint where you see potential while there’s no one there to ask you why.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

New Series: 20 Lessons I've Learned at 20

 

Living isn't merely existing or breathing.

Now, this is coming from someone who thinks in grey scale and majors in news & information. I'm sure if you asked a biology major who thinks in black and white, you would get a much different definition of living. But for time and sanity's sakes, let's say simply breathing and letting life pass you by in scenes isn't enough. It isn't sufficient in defining living.

In the twenty years I have spent living, I have learned lessons worth sharing. Now, these are simple lessons. These are not the secrets to life. I have not gone sky diving, bungee jumping, climbed Mt. Everest, or saved the world. I'm not Ghandi, I'm a college-aged girl from Ohio. But I have been pooped on by a bird, had my heart broken more than once, gone on some incredibly awful first dates, had braces, survived middle school, and ran a 5K. Which, honestly, are all victories in themselves.

So here's to all of you out there-- the ones who have cried into tubs of ice cream, tripped walking upstairs, wet yourselves a little from laughing, gone all day with your fly unzipped, and been pooped on by a bird. This series of posts over the next few weeks is for you. We are all survivors in our own way, and because of these small victories, we have learned and we have lived. I hope you enjoy my 20 Lessons I've Learned at 20. Because I sure love uncovering the feeling-- the feeling I get after brushing off the dust (or bird poop) and drying up the tears-- the feeling I know I'm going to be okay.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose