20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Thirteen

13.      You can learn the deepest knowledge from the youngest brains.

I’ll never forget it.

 

I had just found out that my sister, brother-in-law and two little angels would be moving two states away.

 

It was as if I could feel my heart hesitate in rhythm and slow to a dull ache. Those little girls were my escape and their parents my backrest. They took the dreariness and pressure away from my life. And here they were being taken away from me.

 

Then a few weeks later I was lying in bed next to my little niece and mini-me. Her name is Faith and she gives me what her name suggests. There I was, lying next to her, tears streaming down my face and disappearing into my pillow. I thought she was asleep until she opened her big hazel eyes and stared right through my teary ones. I’ll never forget this three-year-old little girl holding me as she wiped my tears and told me we would always be together.

 

I probably only slept a few hours that night. Half because she is quite violent in her sleep and half because my heart and head couldn’t fathom a world without them close.

 

But that little girl taught me a huge lesson. Sometimes we let the lemons life hands us spoil instead of strategizing ways to make them sweeter. I think it is a result of letting life taint us bit-by-bit. Because our youth haven’t experienced let downs in any form more intense than the refusal to eat ice cream for dinner, they don’t let setbacks slam the brakes on their lives.

 

Ask the little ones in your life some deep questions. I guarantee you’ll find every answer you’ve never searched for and some comfort, too. They read through your tough exterior walls you have built to “protect them.” See, they haven’t had a reason to build them unless they’re made of Legos and chicken nuggets.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Twelve

12.      Believe in that four letter word.

 

 

As a child, I was fortunate enough to see my parents happily married. Of course, as a child, I didn’t see myself as fortunate. I saw it as gross and repulsive that the two people that diapered me at one time, actually, like, ya know, kissed and stuff. The thought makes you shudder when you’re young. I mean, hello! Cooties!

 

But then I got older, and learned that I was actually quite blessed to have two parents that loved each other. Granted, I skipped a large chunk of time in this story. There was the stage I thought my parents were as smart as that Miss South Carolina Teen contestant and the stage that I thought I was smarter than them. But now that I’ve lived two decades, I can say that all I hope and pray for is to find a love that withstands the test of time that they have.

Sometimes I feel the judgment when I still cry at the end of every predictable romance movie. Not because it’s another Jennifer Aniston rom-com and everyone including the husband half asleep in the theater knows the ending. But mainly because my friends and family know I have been on some of the most painstaking dates and have survived incredibly numbing heartbreaks. I have heard the corny pick-up lines and the witnessed the emotional roller coasters. Yet I still have every bit of faith in love.

A couple of years ago I wrote a letter to the future me to open on my wedding day. I wrote one for the lucky groom, too. I don’t know who I will be or who he will be. But I do know that on that day every tear shed during those movies will be worth it. I will no longer cry because that love is what I’m searching for—I’ll cry because it’s everything I’ve found. I will know that the way my parents still look at each other will be my future. And you better believe that the groom will have one heck of a tolerance for quirkiness and sassy oddballs.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Eight

8.      Life will place you exactly where you need to be.

 

 

One of my greatest blessings in life is my title of “aunt.” I am an aunt to four little ones, and it has brought more laughs, love, and unsurprising lessons than I could have imagined. Just the other day, two of my nieces, sat down to chat with me for a few minutes. As usual, one of the most commonly asked questions in my life came up.

 

So you’re thinking, “Oh, Rachel. Did they ask you how you were?” Funny you ask, actually… No. That is not the question I had in mind.

 

“Oh, so they asked you how college is going, right?” Yes, they did. But we are talking about my sassy little divas, here, so no, that isn’t what I’m referring to.

 

They asked me if I had a boyfriend yet. And, I said, “No, ladies. Do I need to have one?” And like the two angels I have taught them to be, they replied, “Oh, no, absolutely not! You’re like Taylor Swift!”

 

I winced in agony for a good while. But, not for too long. Mainly because this isn’t the first time they have told me this. But also because I know in the mind of a 4 year old, that is the biggest compliment you could possibly give someone.

 

Now I know life has placed me exactly where I need to be. Some people can grow with someone beside them. I suppose this is when you know you have found the person who should be beside you until you take your last breath. But for me, not having someone beside me has forced me to look within myself for the answers. I haven’t had to explain myself, my actions, my choices, or even my outfit choices to anyone. (Purple pants and a convict-orange sweater? Taylor Swift says yes.)

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I look forward to the moment my life aligns with someone else’s. I’m a hopeless romantic; I cry at the end of every sappy “I love you and I always have” movie and have my wedding dreamt up in my head. But the time I have had to define just what my life means as a product of one is invaluable. And among other opportunities that have come my way, I have learned that God will put just what I need on my plate when I need it the most.

 

 

Have confidence that life will be all you need it to be. Shout out to all my Taylor Swifts out there. We're doing it-- and we're rocking it out with sequined guitars and one kickass attitude.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose



20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Three

3.      Counting calories doesn’t help you count your blessings.

 

We’re all guilty of it. So just leave your Weight Watcher trackers at the door of the previous page you visited. For the few brief minutes you’ve invited me into your home or office or closet to hide from Aunt Betty and her ugly sweater party, let your self-doubts go.

 

Now, I’m not going to turn into a Special K commercial on you and tell you that your jean size is now “Fabulous” or anything. But I want you to take a second and think about how beating yourself up over a wrinkle here or a roll there helps you to enjoy the people in your life and the purpose you strive to fulfill. If you delete that pesky little app from your phone and the voice inside you that prevents you from fully enjoying that Krispy Kreme, you’ll see that it doesn’t help you at all.

 

And isn’t that an essential part of our lives? Counting our blessings? Without these blessings, we would struggle for motivation. I would bet some Ramen noodles (hey, I’m a college student) that your fitness tracker will never motivate you quite like the blessings in your life can.

 

Shift your focus from the numbers to the faces, the calories to the people and the hate to the love. Then, take a deep breath… and take a bite.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose