Tuesday, October 29, 2013

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Eighteen

18.   Make your own rules & follow them.

From a young age, I have always been quite opinionated. I credit my parents for giving me the moral compass and curiosity in order to freely develop my opinions. Teachers, however, rarely valued my young talent. It made me question them, their lessons, and sometimes, even their authority.
But now that I have nobody’s rules to follow but my own, I have created my own. I’m not talking deep, philosophical rules. I’m talking my own set of dating rules. And in case you were wondering, I’ve learned every single one of them the hard way…
So, here we go. My personal set of dating rules in order to prevent me from thinking it is acceptable to date someone who will ultimately end with a “you’re a great girl, but.”
1. Loves a certain animal more than he could love you.
2. Loves himself more than he could love you.
3. Thinks it is socially acceptable to wear makeup and more hair products than you.
4. Shows up on a first date in a blinged-out Ed Hardy shirt and alligator skin boots.
5. Shows up on a first date in a cut-off shirt with an animation of a boy peeing on anything.
6. Cries on a third date.
7. Thinks peach is the best color on him.
8. Carries an overnight bag bigger than yours.
9. Shows up on a blind date with hair as long as yours.
10. Begins communication as a direct message on Twitter.
11. Tickles you in a movie theater to strategically move you closer to him.
12. Uses the line “If you were a pirate, would you want your parrot on this shoulder or this shoulder?” as he puts his arm (not cleverly) behind you.
13. Hits on your friend. (Male friend, might I add.)
14. Tells you he could see himself living with his parents for as long as they will take him.
15. Has a celebrity crush on Kim Kardashian.
16. Eats a salad on a date while you reach for the burger.
17. Lists “getting swole” as one of his greatest passions.
18. Does donuts in the parking lot when picking you up on a first date.
19. Has watched The Notebook more times than you.
20. Is 27 and not ready to settle down.
21. Is known by your family as nobody other than “the sheep farmer.”
22. You have to call your family and warn them by saying “he’s really metrosexual but I swear he’s not gay.”
So, ladies and gents, there it is. Hopefully I made you chuckle, made you think, and more than likely, made you feel better about your own dating/relationship/marriage life.
And if you’re still reading this, you, my dear, get the most important lesson of all:
Never make a pact with yourself that you will never turn down a date offer. Unless you want to find yourself in a living room surrounded by your family while your brother-in-law asks your prospective date if he has any STD’s, it’s best to just use your discretion.
it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose


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