20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Eight

8.      Life will place you exactly where you need to be.

 

 

One of my greatest blessings in life is my title of “aunt.” I am an aunt to four little ones, and it has brought more laughs, love, and unsurprising lessons than I could have imagined. Just the other day, two of my nieces, sat down to chat with me for a few minutes. As usual, one of the most commonly asked questions in my life came up.

 

So you’re thinking, “Oh, Rachel. Did they ask you how you were?” Funny you ask, actually… No. That is not the question I had in mind.

 

“Oh, so they asked you how college is going, right?” Yes, they did. But we are talking about my sassy little divas, here, so no, that isn’t what I’m referring to.

 

They asked me if I had a boyfriend yet. And, I said, “No, ladies. Do I need to have one?” And like the two angels I have taught them to be, they replied, “Oh, no, absolutely not! You’re like Taylor Swift!”

 

I winced in agony for a good while. But, not for too long. Mainly because this isn’t the first time they have told me this. But also because I know in the mind of a 4 year old, that is the biggest compliment you could possibly give someone.

 

Now I know life has placed me exactly where I need to be. Some people can grow with someone beside them. I suppose this is when you know you have found the person who should be beside you until you take your last breath. But for me, not having someone beside me has forced me to look within myself for the answers. I haven’t had to explain myself, my actions, my choices, or even my outfit choices to anyone. (Purple pants and a convict-orange sweater? Taylor Swift says yes.)

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I look forward to the moment my life aligns with someone else’s. I’m a hopeless romantic; I cry at the end of every sappy “I love you and I always have” movie and have my wedding dreamt up in my head. But the time I have had to define just what my life means as a product of one is invaluable. And among other opportunities that have come my way, I have learned that God will put just what I need on my plate when I need it the most.

 

 

Have confidence that life will be all you need it to be. Shout out to all my Taylor Swifts out there. We're doing it-- and we're rocking it out with sequined guitars and one kickass attitude.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose



20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Seven

7.   Never stop doing what removes you from the chaos

I’ll never forget that minty blue-green leotard and the magic it encapsulated. It was about the same size as would fit a Chihuahua. I visited my grandmother who now dances from above, and the day was what every three-year-old little girl has ever dreamed of. (Minus Cinderella making me the long lost Disney princess and living in a castle with my invisible friend Amy.)

I began dancing that day back 17 years ago, and it began my love of movement and the power it gave me to express myself. I truly believe this passion of mine paved the way to a creative talent I share with you today—writing.

The way a poetic melody paired with a compelling lyric made my toes flutter and my heart pound was intoxicating. It was as if the music moved through me. My brain didn’t need to equate or calculate. It was a beautiful escape.

After 15 years of some interesting dance concepts on my part—I recreated the infamous Tom Cruise in Risky Business scene as a solo performance and wore a costume that made me look like a glittery pickle—I packed up everything I had ever known and moved to college. And with my reliance on my parents, my dancing fell to homework and college boys.

I have learned to incorporate dance and creativity into my schedule. And when I fail to do just this, my mood tends to show it. Because as time will tell you, the movement that removes you from the chaos is sometimes difficult to keep up with. But remember that little leotard and the look on your loved ones face when they saw a future for you before you created your own. There’s a reason you were given that talent. It is your ticket to sanity and a world your three-year-old self could have only dreamed of…

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Six

6.      Never overuse “I'm sorry.”

 

 

 

So you went all Edward Scissorhands on your roommate’s hair in their sleep. Apologize.

 

You thought it would be cool to dye the dog’s hair fuchsia. Apologize to little ole Chunks.

 

You didn’t see a problem in scrubbing the toilet with your sister’s toothbrush. Apologize. (Props to you, though)

 

You said no to spending time with someone who contributes little to your happiness. Go you!

...and don’t apologize.

 

You fought to the end of the world for someone that didn’t raise a finger for you. Don’t even think about apologizing.

 

You looked the person that dropped your heart on your feet in the eye through tears within your own. Do. Not. Apologize.

 

We’ve heard time and time again to overuse "I love you." But overusing apologies has seemingly replaced the love. If we even stutter on a word in a conversation, we apologize. If we even slightly touch someone, we apologize. We are a society of apologetic people who try our damnedest to not make too much of an impression or an impact.

Don’t get me wrong—there are many situations in which apologies make sense, as outlined above. But if you pull through the need to speak softly and act gently, you will feel the pride it took to stand before someone. To stand before someone feeling vulnerable and weak. To stand before someone and look them straight in the eye and spill the pain you’ve tucked away inside for too long. This beautiful sight is in need of no apology.

Apologies have no place in a room full of strength and courage.

 

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Five

5.      Sob uncontrollably if you have to. Just make sure you have peanut butter. There’s a reason why it’s so sticky—it mends the soul.

 

“Suck it up.”

“Man up.”

“Dry your tears.”

 

We’ve heard these words spoken to us since we were kids. And, granted, sometimes we deserved it. Pretty sure when my 6 year old self was sobbing on the other side of my bedroom door unable to unlock it due to the stolen chocolate dripping from my fingers, I deserved some tough love.

 

But as we grow in height, we grow in heart. What used to be solved with a tissue and some tough love now takes time, old sweatpants, a prayer, and a big ole jar of peanut butter.

 

After the sobs, cries, and anger subside, there is something beautiful that happens. Like the eye of a hurricane, a calm wave of clarity overcomes us. It’s as if the tears have literally washed away the deepest of the wound. The pain still aches through our chests, but the worst of the storm is over.

 

I’ve lost family to tragedy and I’ve lost love to heart break. I’ve cried my fair share. But amidst all of the loss, I have found me. A strong, curious, quirky, peanut-butter-breathed me.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Four

4.      If you have a funny feeling, chances are you’ve found a phony.

 

 

My family and friends have often told me I should write a book discussing all of the phonies I’ve found. I rarely consider myself an expert on a topic, but I can say with a high level of confidence that I am an expert on this subject. I even have the title picked out—“You’re A Great Girl, But…” Let’s just say my life is like the movie 50 First Dates… but I actually remember every.

                                                                                                                                single.
                                                                                                                                               one of them.

 

The lesson I’ve learned from all of these enlightening experiences is that in each of them, I had a gut feeling at one point or another that something was off. Something wasn’t off with the way they chewed their gum (my sister actually broke up with a guy for this exact reason) or because they walked funny. (Guilty). Something was off in the way they left me feeling. It was like I ate something that seemed nice, but it took convincing myself that after a whole bowl of it that I would love it. But instead of loving it, it really just left a bad taste in my mouth that I tried to ignore.

 

If someone leaves a bad taste in your mouth, don’t keep digging in until the source of the taste is uncovered. Don’t be that guy that swishes it around in his mouth obnoxiously. Be that girl or that guy that walks the other direction the moment it occurs to you that your futures don’t align. Or that your heart doesn’t beat in sync with the other. Or that you will never end up serving the purpose you are meant to serve with that person beside you.

 

Trust me, being alone will never feel as lonely as being beside someone who makes you feel as if you are.

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

 

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Three

3.      Counting calories doesn’t help you count your blessings.

 

We’re all guilty of it. So just leave your Weight Watcher trackers at the door of the previous page you visited. For the few brief minutes you’ve invited me into your home or office or closet to hide from Aunt Betty and her ugly sweater party, let your self-doubts go.

 

Now, I’m not going to turn into a Special K commercial on you and tell you that your jean size is now “Fabulous” or anything. But I want you to take a second and think about how beating yourself up over a wrinkle here or a roll there helps you to enjoy the people in your life and the purpose you strive to fulfill. If you delete that pesky little app from your phone and the voice inside you that prevents you from fully enjoying that Krispy Kreme, you’ll see that it doesn’t help you at all.

 

And isn’t that an essential part of our lives? Counting our blessings? Without these blessings, we would struggle for motivation. I would bet some Ramen noodles (hey, I’m a college student) that your fitness tracker will never motivate you quite like the blessings in your life can.

 

Shift your focus from the numbers to the faces, the calories to the people and the hate to the love. Then, take a deep breath… and take a bite.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Two

2.      No amount of inspirational quotes will comfort you quite like your mother can.

 

We see them every day. Pinterest has made a business out of it. Teenage girls have become Instafamous on Instagram with them. They haunt us with their clever plays on words and millisecond of satisfaction.

 

I’m talking inspirational quotes, people. The words that weave together dried tears and a pat on the back in a poetic melody. The melody wraps around our heart convincing us to make it our background on our phone. (Just me?) We pretend to live our lives by these quotes like “live in the sunshine” or “the best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”

To be frank, you can’t live in the sunshine where there are clouds. Now, I know you can create your own figurative sunshine and learn to “dance like no one’s watching” beneath that figurative sunshine, but will it really last? Will these momentary flashes of inspiration help us uncover the bed sheets in the morning and face our chaotic lives?

 

If there is one lesson I have been so fortunate to learn, it is that not one of these quotes—no matter how applicable they may be to our current situation— will ever make us feel quite like our mother can.

 

If you’re one of my soul sisters or brothers and have one of those generic quotes with whimsical letters on an image straight off Pinterest haven, delete it. Replace it with a photo of your mother. Or your sister. Or your dog, Chunks. Whoever that person or animal is that makes you feel like you’re not alone—and you’re right where you need to be—make him or her your background. Look at them and feel the love they speak to you each time you struggle to put one foot in front of the other. They are the melody in the movie of your life. They are the best thing to hold onto in life. No need for sunshine. They will always be the light that guides you home.

Love you “oodles & doodles,” Mom.

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose