20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Fifteen

15. Don't make stress, make a plan

 

 

So if you never took my advice way back in the beginning of this journey, you may still have inspirational quotes as the background on your phone. Which, if that’s what gets your mind at ease or your motivation running, be my guest. But for today’s purposes, let’s focus on the stress we have created in our lives that encouraged us to seek inspirational quotes on Pinterest in the first place.

 

Some of you may have read over the “stress we have created in our lives” part above and turned red. Some of you may have forgotten how you stumbled upon this inspirational pile of randomness and were incoherent when you read it. But if I made you mad by stating it that way, let me explain.

 

See, life hands us some unfortunate circumstances sometimes. Whether it be short-term or long-term, navigating the rain puddles and detours in our journey can prove to be difficult. It is natural for us to worry about how we are going to handle the obstacle or stress over what the next challenge will be.

 

But if we took the time we spent worrying and stressing and used it to draft a plan, imagine how much happier we would be. I once said quite some time ago that every moment spent worrying can be spent living. I would like to take a step further and say sometimes those moments spent worrying need to be spent strategizing as to how you can live more happily. It sounds mathematical and therefore foreign to me, but it is true.

 

Stop stressing and start planning. As a wise little girl once told me, “when life hands you lemons, you just gotta add sugar.” Make a plan as to how you’re going to add your sugar, and work it out. Stress is toxic—sugar is delicious.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Fourteen

14.      If someone doesn’t contribute to your life, pack your good memories and move the hell on.

 

 

As a child, I wasn’t the easiest to get along with. I was bossy, challenging, and overly inquisitive. I thought it was my personal duty to make sure that everyone knew their place in my life. For some, this was the beginning of longtime friendships. But for others, it may have meant a swift kick to the balls. No, seriously. I once did just that to a boy on the playground…

 

Sound harsh? It was. This attitude set me up for some hard-hitting lessons growing up. Though, the small trace of this attitude has served me right in some ways as well.

 

At what point do we lose sight of this mindset? If you have a gut feeling about someone, or they do you wrong, don’t look in the rearview mirror as you remove them from your life. Remember the good memories—there was a reason why they were in your life at one point. They served a purpose in your life for a few weeks or maybe a few decades. But be thoughtful of the bad memories. It is easy to miss someone for the wonderful time you spent with him or her. But it takes strength and confidence in your intuition and wisdom earned to remember how they did you wrong.

 

The goals you have in mind and the happiness you seek in life are far more important than letting a black hole in your life take it from you. It may hurt more than you think you can physically handle. But when you aren’t losing energy to someone unworthy of your relentless thoughts, you’ll be surprised at how beautiful life can be.

 

Cut the ties that bind you to the weight on your back. Knee the person where it counts if you need to. (Maybe more figuratively speaking…) You are more beautiful when you are surrounded by people who shed light on your beauty rather than those who cast shadows on it.

 

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Thirteen

13.      You can learn the deepest knowledge from the youngest brains.

I’ll never forget it.

 

I had just found out that my sister, brother-in-law and two little angels would be moving two states away.

 

It was as if I could feel my heart hesitate in rhythm and slow to a dull ache. Those little girls were my escape and their parents my backrest. They took the dreariness and pressure away from my life. And here they were being taken away from me.

 

Then a few weeks later I was lying in bed next to my little niece and mini-me. Her name is Faith and she gives me what her name suggests. There I was, lying next to her, tears streaming down my face and disappearing into my pillow. I thought she was asleep until she opened her big hazel eyes and stared right through my teary ones. I’ll never forget this three-year-old little girl holding me as she wiped my tears and told me we would always be together.

 

I probably only slept a few hours that night. Half because she is quite violent in her sleep and half because my heart and head couldn’t fathom a world without them close.

 

But that little girl taught me a huge lesson. Sometimes we let the lemons life hands us spoil instead of strategizing ways to make them sweeter. I think it is a result of letting life taint us bit-by-bit. Because our youth haven’t experienced let downs in any form more intense than the refusal to eat ice cream for dinner, they don’t let setbacks slam the brakes on their lives.

 

Ask the little ones in your life some deep questions. I guarantee you’ll find every answer you’ve never searched for and some comfort, too. They read through your tough exterior walls you have built to “protect them.” See, they haven’t had a reason to build them unless they’re made of Legos and chicken nuggets.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Twelve

12.      Believe in that four letter word.

 

 

As a child, I was fortunate enough to see my parents happily married. Of course, as a child, I didn’t see myself as fortunate. I saw it as gross and repulsive that the two people that diapered me at one time, actually, like, ya know, kissed and stuff. The thought makes you shudder when you’re young. I mean, hello! Cooties!

 

But then I got older, and learned that I was actually quite blessed to have two parents that loved each other. Granted, I skipped a large chunk of time in this story. There was the stage I thought my parents were as smart as that Miss South Carolina Teen contestant and the stage that I thought I was smarter than them. But now that I’ve lived two decades, I can say that all I hope and pray for is to find a love that withstands the test of time that they have.

Sometimes I feel the judgment when I still cry at the end of every predictable romance movie. Not because it’s another Jennifer Aniston rom-com and everyone including the husband half asleep in the theater knows the ending. But mainly because my friends and family know I have been on some of the most painstaking dates and have survived incredibly numbing heartbreaks. I have heard the corny pick-up lines and the witnessed the emotional roller coasters. Yet I still have every bit of faith in love.

A couple of years ago I wrote a letter to the future me to open on my wedding day. I wrote one for the lucky groom, too. I don’t know who I will be or who he will be. But I do know that on that day every tear shed during those movies will be worth it. I will no longer cry because that love is what I’m searching for—I’ll cry because it’s everything I’ve found. I will know that the way my parents still look at each other will be my future. And you better believe that the groom will have one heck of a tolerance for quirkiness and sassy oddballs.

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Eleven

11.     Laugh at yourself.

 

Most of my lessons have been years in the making. I have lived through multiple episodes of the same plot resulting in the same lesson. (I’m hard headed). But this lesson came as an epiphany. Let me set the scene for you.

 

I have been planning the largest canned food drive at my beloved Ohio University. The logistics of this event are similar to fixing the haircut we all tried to give ourselves when we were three. You can keep trimming away the details, but there will always be those inevitable loose ends. I won’t bore you with more, but let’s just say on this particular day, I had lifted well over 1,300 canned foods, spilled horrid mushroom soup down my front, and accidentally punched a cabinet. I felt like the bird in that Windex commercial that is tricked into thinking the glass door is actually an open window.

 

So after slamming into my day and sliding down the window in slow motion, I hit the ground. I walked into my apartment, took my pants off, and made hot dogs. I turned on Law & Order SVU and dug into my mustard covered feast. It was two hot dogs in that I put down my fork and just started giggling at myself. My giggles turned to belly laughs and my belly laughs turned into full-on, teary-eyed cackling. At this point, the tears were rolling down my cheeks and it was literally becoming difficult to take a deep breath…

 

I mean, come on! Here I am sitting in my living room with no pants on eating bun-less hot dogs watching Detective Benson do her thing. I had a hundred things I should have been doing. But I wasn’t worried about them. My biggest concern was my roommate walking in and checking me into a mental institution.

 

We’ve all had these moments. You may have had pants on in yours. You may have been 20 feet below sea level. Or have just realized your fly was unzipped for the entirety of your day. But either way, enjoy that moment of just doing as you feel and having the ability to realize sometimes you’re an absolute oddball. After all, if all of us are oddballs, then really none of us are odd at all...  

 

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Ten

10.      You have the pen that writes your life story.

 

 

If you were offered to leave the country for a month, would you go?

If the plane was going up and you could skydive out of it, would you jump?

If your friend asked you to dance on the table, would you get up?

 

 

 

If you answered yes to all three, congratulations! You have the eye of the tiger as my girl Katy would say. But chances are you probably didn’t. Or you mindlessly read them wondering where I was going with them… But, regardless, I’m not going to preach that you should take every opportunity that presents itself. Sometimes just because you have the ability to take your pants off or tattoo your mother’s name across your chest doesn’t mean you should. But if you do, that’s cool too. The point is that you shouldn’t feel as if you must follow the story society writes for you.

 

I sometimes think when I find the “end-all, be-all” love, it is going to be like a romantic comedy. You know the ones. Girl meets boy. Girl loves Boy. Boy loves girl but messes up. Girl struggles with a decision. Girl decides she still loves Boy. Girl and Boy kiss. The End. But life isn’t a rom com and I’m not Jennifer Aniston. Instead of waiting for life to write my story, I must realize that the paper is in front of me and the pen is in no one else’s hand but my own. If the person makes your heart happy and your wheels turning, let it happen. It's your story.

 

 

Write your story. Cross things out. Make things bold. Write softly, write with meaning. Hell, doodle outside the lines. Just make sure when you turn the last page, you're happy with the memories within the bindings and your name is staring back at you as the author.

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose

 

20 Lessons I've Learned at 20: Lesson Nine

9.      Look up.

 

WARNING: This material may be too sassy for younger audiences.

 

We’ve all experienced it or have done it ourselves. That moment when you’re talking with someone about feeling broken hearted or pooped on by life and that special someone has his or her eyes down on a screen. I say screen because at this point, people have phones built into watches for crying out loud. And all you want to do is SCREAM. You want to scream:

“Oh, I guarantee that tattoo idea you’re pinning on Pinterest is so much cooler than life pooping on me.” Or, “Wow! That tweet you just sent to Busta Rhymes sounds super compelling and noteworthy!”

 

But, instead, you continue on your conversation with the fascinating brick wall of a friend you have, and pretend it is the norm.

 

On a more serious note, this lesson applies to other situations as well. Sometimes life does seem to be pooping on us—it is one thing after another. I spilled half of a jar of mushroom soup on my sweater then accidentally punched a wall. But instead of looking down and pouting, I remembered I was Taylor Swift (read lesson eight) and looked up. I looked up to the fact my mushroom soup would dry and that someone was watching over me with a giggle.

 

 

We've all heard the saying, "when life get's you down, get back up." But I'm here to tell you that you don't even have to exert that much effort. Just merely look up. Look up from your phone screen, look up from life, and look into the eyes of someone who needs you. Chances are they will be a more beautiful sight anyways.

 

 

it’s an outlet. it’s an inspiration. it’s a gift. it’s a purpose